Wedding celebrations held prior to the wedding day are meant to heightened the engagement period, honor the couple, and allow you the time to spend quality time of joy with your close relatives and friends before the exuberance and “craziness” of the wedding weekend.
Certain rules of decorum should be kept in mind for all wedding related functions. Note that the terminology has more bearing on the correct etiquette for each event. For instance, engagement party verses “a celebration in honor of” or a shower verses a luncheon, dinner or tea amidst extended friends.
Here are the basic guidelines to follow for Creating The Wedding Guest List:
The Wedding Guest List offers the biggest opportunity to create hurt feelings. Everyone is excited about your wedding and wants to include those who are important to them. Culling the list has to be done with great sensitivity because you don't want to offend the feelings of anyone. I always recommend that the first order of business is to define your vision for the wedding and share it with both families in writing. If you are set on a wedding with only 80 in attendance then those parameters should be communicated. Both families will know from the beginning that there will be limitations to the guest list. This is not a guaranteed method to avoid problems, but it does set some initial boundaries. Creating these initial boundaries will quickly put in check the possibility of going off in the wrong direction.
Prepare your list with consideration. Most pre-wedding parties are intimate affairs made up of close friends and family. Attending a wedding celebration builds excited leading up to your wedding and provides the guest an unspoken guarantee that they will be honored with a wedding invitation to witness your big day. It is misleading and unacceptable to invite guests to parties and not invite them to your wedding. According to The Emily Post Institute, Anna Post writes in her book Emily Post’s Wedding Parties “Anyone invited to any wedding party (office’s showers excepted) must be invited to the wedding”.
Be sensitive to your single friends. From college age on, your single guests should be extended an “and guest” invitation. Your wedding is a party. Your wedding is a celebration. They too would like to be comfortable and enjoy the entertainment along with you. It’s no fun sitting alone and watching others dance and have a good time.
The Wedding Guest List is fluid. It will expand and contract. However, by giving your families initial parameters you will set the tone that you will be planning your wedding with guidelines. Knowing that guidelines are in place, hopefully all will be inclined to be sensitive about who they should request to be invited.
A Luxurious Wedding Couture Wedding Invitation Created By Embellishments For A Claudia Lutman Wedding. Wedding Seating Chart by Jan Boyd Calligraphy.
The Wedding Guest List Preparation & Guidelines
The Engagement Party Guest List
The Engagement Party is an exhilarating celebration usually hosted by the parents of the bride.
It can be hosted by another relative or friend provided the family of the bride has been given the first opportunity. With our globetrotting society, families who live out of town may also host their own festivities to honor the newly engaged couple, however, out of courtesy; first discuss the date with the family of the bride.
The guest list for your Engagement Party should be a mirror of your wedding guest list as all guests invited to your Engagement Party should be included on your wedding guest list.
Engagement parties are not necessarily a gift giving occasion. Only if all guests come bearing gifts should you open them in their presence. Unlike the Bridal Shower where the opening of gifts is the focus of the celebration, gifts brought to your Engagement Party should be acknowledged but opened at a later time. Regardless if you expressed your gratitude in person, please be certain to send a handwritten thank you note to each guest who provided you with a gift.
A bridal celebration captured by Kevin Kramer of Advantage Photography.
The Bachelor & Bachelorette Party Guest List
Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are usually the one last bash of your single life and are held from two months to one week before the wedding day. Although not obligatory, they are a time honored tradition where many of the antics of the evening make for amusing tales for years to come.
The Bachelor Party is generally organized by the Best Men and attendee’s commonly include the Groom, Groomsmen, close male friends, family members typically close in age to the groom, brothers, cousins, future brother-in-law, etc. and may be extended to include the father and future father in law of the groom. The Bachelor Party is typically a Dutch affairs with attendees responsible for their own share of the cost of activities. In addition, the best man and groomsmen should contribute for the cost of the groom.
Although it is common practice to go wild for bachelor blowouts, more men are choosing to have a much more low key affair. A few ideas the gentlemen might consider would be a gathering at a trendy restaurant, a golf outing, an extended fishing trip, or a robust weekend getaway.
The Bachelorette Party is generally organized by the Maid of Honor. The Bridesmaids should always be available for assistance, if necessary. The Bachelorette Party guest list includes the Bride and her bridesmaids, close friends and family typically close in age to the bride, sisters, cousins, future sister-in-law and may also include her mother and future mother in law.
Bachelorette Party’s are also frequently Dutch affairs with attendees responsible for their own share of the cost of activities. The maid of honor and bridesmaids contribute to the cost of the bride.
A few common practices of the ladies include an intimate dinner at the Brides' favorite restaurant, a visit to the local Vineyard for a wine tasting party and the telling of tales, a luxurious spa day or weekend, a surprise weekend getaway or an old fashion slumber party held at a fabulous Bed & Breakfast or luxury hotel.
A newer trend has many couples opting to host a joint Bachelor & Bachelorette Party for one big celebration. Any type of activity is acceptable as long as you practice self-control and do not embarrass yourself, your honoree or your guests.
The Bridal Shower Guest List
Bridal Showers were born from early dowry practices when a less fortunate bride and her family may not have had the money to provide the necessary dowry for their daughter; or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage. In such cases, family and friends of the bride would gather together and 'shower' the bride with gifts to compensate for her lack of a dowry. This showering of gifts allowed her to set up her future home and marry the man of her choice.
At one time, it was considered a breach of etiquette for the family of the bride to host the bridal shower. Today, a bridal shower may be hosted by anyone except the couple. Bridal Showers are typically held between eight and two weeks from the wedding date with the opening of the gifts as the central focus and highlight of the event.
Bridal Showers are usually very intimate affairs. The guest list is commonly made up of family, friends, and attendants of the bride. Tradition once held that showers were a 'women only”' affair. Now more brides are choosing to include the groom plus his friends and family. These are commonly known as a Jack and Jill Shower.
Etiquette dictates that it is imperative that anyone invited to your Bridal Shower must be invited to your wedding; otherwise it appears as though it is just a ploy for gifts. The one exception to this rule is when co-workers or club members wish to give a shower as a way of offering their congratulations.
A Bridal Shower in honor of A Midsummer Night's Dream Theme Wedding.
The Bridesmaid Luncheon Guest List
The bridesmaid luncheon or party is a perfect opportunity to thank your bridesmaids for their participation in your wedding. It is also a wonderful time to exchange gifts of appreciation to your ladies in waiting.
Customarily, hosted by the bridesmaids with the Maid or Matron of Honor spearheading the details, the mother of the bride or the bride herself may also do the honors. This jovial party is optional and often held a day or two before or even the day of the wedding often resulting in a round of hair and make-up appointments in preparing for the main event. More traditional is the bridal luncheon or afternoon tea.
The bridal luncheon or party guest list includes the bride, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bridal attendants, flower girl and her mother. Consider extending the invitation to any sisters of the bride or groom and their grandmothers. Your families will thank you for your loving gesture.
A Bridal Table designed by JoAnn Gregoli of Elegant Occasions
The Rehearsal Dinner Guest List
The Rehearsal Dinner is the most intimate gathering of all pre-wedding related festivities. Often set in a more relaxed atmosphere, this exhilarating dinner party allows you to mingle among your closest family and friends in a more personal way. Traditionally hosted by the family of the groom, this event may also be hosted by another family member of the couple, provided the opportunity was first given to the family of the groom.
The Rehearsal Dinner follows your ceremony rehearsal. This is a great opportunity to do something completely different and apart from your wedding theme as the decor for the Rehearsal Dinner does not necessarily have to match although many couples choose to compliment their wedding decor in an effort to build excitement and anticipation.
The guest list for the Rehearsal Dinner must always include: Parents, siblings, children of the bride or groom, attendants and officiate. In addition, step-parents, their spouses and the spouses, the fiance or live-in partner of the members of your wedding party are also included. It is polite to also extend the invitation to your young attendants and their parents.
Customarily invited: extended family members - grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, godparents and close friends.
Discretionary Invitations: If your budget permits, you may also include out-of-town guests.
A Bridal Table designed by JoAnn Gregoli of Elegant Occasions
Post Wedding Celebration Guest List
Destination weddings and more intimate affairs present unique circumstances.
A grand gathering is acceptable to honor your wedding and require an expanded guest list. Perhaps you may host a 'Celebration in Honor of' celebration. Another popular theme is a 'Belated Reception Celebration'.
These post-wedding affairs allow the inclusion of extended family and friends and provide a chance for those not able to attend your Destination or Intimate wedding to offer their best wishes to the new couple.
A Destination Wedding photographed by Jennifer Hughes Photographer.
Gracious Brides Practice The 5 C's of Wedding Planning
Wedding Planning is a very stressful time. In your rush to get things done you may become frustrated with unanswered emails and deadlines that have not been met. Perhaps your florist did not understand your vision. Perhaps your venue manager is not willing to be cooperative with your wedding planner or you are inundate with unsolicited but well-meaning advice. These situations are common and unavoidable.
Maintaining your cool while pushing your manners to the limit is always a challenge except for those who concentrate on THE FIVE C's of wedding planning.
COOPERATION is the cornerstone of planning a luxurious wedding or any event. By being gracious you can enroll others to become a very productive support team.
CONSIDERATION should be at the forefront off all your wedding decisions. Realize that everyone around you has your best interest in mind. Be considerate of their input.
COMMUNICATION calls for you to be open to new ideas. Allow others to voice their opinions, offer suggestions and express concerns. Be considerate and always acknowledge them with a gracious comment such as; “ That’s an interesting idea. Let me think about it.”
COMPASSION is a gift of love you can give to all who surround you. Hear each request as an effort to give to you, not take from you. If you are compassionate you will be able to figure out how to alter the request or incorporate it into your wedding planning.
COMPROMISE will be called for as soon as you begin the wedding planning process. Be considerate and guard the individual relationships you have with family members and friends. Balance each of their needs individually. Granting a small favor now could solidify a lifelong friendship.
How willing are you to adapt to sticky situations and conflicts? Many agree that wedding planning can be the most confrontational time in your life. While planning your wedding, think ahead to the big picture. Marriage is between you, your spouse and your respective families. Your decisions, actions and behavior will be remembered by others for a lifetime.
A positive attitude is contagious. A gracious bride knows that pitfalls loom but is psychologically prepared not to give any power or energy to conflicts. She is poised, happy, excited and grateful that so many have her best interest in mind.
The Proper Formal Table Setting For Your Luxurious Wedding Reception
Your wedding reception is a formal affair. Proper etiquette and good table manners calls for the host to ensure the table has been set correctly. The place settings should reflect the menu choices and always be positioned correctly. Don't leave anything to chance. It is best to consult with your catering manager to be sure everything will be set properly. 
There are three types of place settings: Formal, Informal and Basic with two common rules shared.
1. The utensils are placed in the order of use from the outside in.
2. With a few exceptions:
Forks are place to your left.
Knives and spoons are placed to your right.
The Elements of the Formal Place Setting are not complicated. There are many elements, yet each is used in the order of service. Once you visualize where each element is placed and see how each is used during the meal, you will appreciate the fine art and nuance of a formal dinner setting.
SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS
are generally unsightly. 
As they are important to the meal, consideration should be given to them as part of the table decor.
THE CHARGER PLATE is an oversized and decorative plate set in place for each guest. The use of a Charger is highly recommended as it presents a lovely and complete look to your table before the food has been served. Once the food course begins, it will remain in position. The plate for each food course will be placed on top of the Charger and removed, leaving the Charger to decorate the table between courses.
THE CHINA selection can be used as an added element of décor to your table setting. Choose a pattern that enhances your charger plate and that beautifully accents your table lines. Your dining china is made up of 3 main elements: Bread or Butter, salad and dinner plates.
THE NAPKIN is placed on top of the charger plate. In the absence of a Charger, the Napkin is placed in the empty space where the dinner plate will be placed. 
Although the napkin placement does not change you do have a choice on how to present it. You may choose the fabric and color of the napkin as well as the napkin fold. Your napkin is also a great location to insert your menu card.
THE BREAD & BUTTER PLATE is placed above the forks on the left with the butter knife placed diagonally on top of the plate. Place the handle facing the right and blade faced down.
THE SALAD PLATE is a smaller than your dinner plate and, when served, is placed on top of your charger plate.
THE DINNER PLATE for the main entree will be placed on top of your charger plate.
THE FLATWARE selection is equally important as a decorative element. You may select a elegant sterling silver pattern that will blend in nicely with your tabletop décor or a more eccentric pattern with gold accents and engraving for more of a statement. No rules apply to selecting flatware other than making sure that you include the appropriate elements that will be used for your menu selections.
THE DINNER FORK is the largest of the forks and is placed to the left edge of the charger plate.
THE SALAD FORK is placed to the left of the dinner fork. Should your menu require your salad to be served after the entrée the small salad fork is placed to the right of the dinner fork, next to the charger.
THE FISH FORK is placed farthest to the left of the dinner fork because it is the first fork used. Only set a fish fork if fish is to be served.
THE DINNER KNIFE is placed to the right edge of the charger plate.
THE FISH KNIFE is a specially shaped knife placed to the right of the dinner knife.
THE SALAD KNIFE is included if the salad is to be served first and is placed to the right of the fish knife.
SOUP SPOON is placed to the right of the knives if soup is to be served as a first course.
OYSTER-COCKTAIL FORK is set to the right of the spoons if shellfish is being served. Please note: this is the only fork ever placed on the right of the plate and although very cute, in an effort not to confuse your guests, please do not place them on the table if you are not serving a fish or seafood course.
GLASSWARE is placed to the upper right of your dinner plate and can number up to five depending on your beverage service. It is a very important element on your table top. It enhances the mark you are placing on your table décor. As with your china pattern you may select from a variety of glassware to accompany your place setting. Your pattern selection may consist of clear crystal, colored glassware or an elaborate pattern.
THE WATER GOBLET is placed directly above the knives.
THE CHAMPAGNE FLUTE is placed to the right of the water goblet.
THE WINE GLASSES are set slightly below and to the right of your water goblet.
THE SHERRY GLASS is placed to the right of the red and white wine glasses.
THE DESSERT COURSE
Depending on how much room you have on your dining table, you dessert spoon or fork and coffee spoon may be brought to the table along with the dessert and coffee or placed horizontally at the top of the dinner plate. In the latter scenario, your coffee spoon is placed closest to the top of the dinner plate followed by the dessert spoon on top of the coffee spoon. In this scenario, both spoon handles should be pointing toward your right. 
Should your dessert require a fork, the dessert fork is placed on top of the coffee spoon with the tines pointing to the right, handle to the left.
COFFEE is served butler style with the coffee spoon on the saucer to the right of the handle. You may also elect to have the coffee spoon incorporated into your flatware presentation and is placed closest to the top of the charger plate. Your coffee cup and saucer will be in the same pattern as the china chosen for dinning.
The design of the table is a major visual factor when guests enter the reception room. A beautiful table has harmony and balance. The centerpiece is the anchor of the design and the place settings must be positioned at an equal distance from each other and from the centerpiece.
Wedding table settings from Traci Romano Events.
Individual Wedding Cake Desserts Elegant Cheese Cakes. Glassware by Vera Wang. Napkins by Wildflowers. Flateware by Carolyne Roehm.
Ceremony Seating Protocol For The Mothers
'The Seating of the Mothers' traditionally begins the wedding ceremonial procession down the aisle to their designated seats of honor.
With blended families, the seating has become more complicated. In the case of step mothers it is not as common for them to proceed down the aisle unless they have had a hand in raising the bride or groom, or are thought of as an honorary mother. Taking into consideration that all family dynamics are different, one must decide if it is best for his or her family to have their step mother partake in the Seating of the Mothers.
In the blended family processional, the step mother is escorted down the aisle in front of the biological mother. The mother of the bride is always the last person to be seated. This signals that the ceremony is about to begin and that no other guests may be seated or escorted to their seats through the center aisle.
Ceremony Seating image by Kevin Kramer Advantage Photography.