Wedding celebrations held prior to the wedding day are meant to heightened the engagement period, honor the couple, and allow you the time to spend quality time of joy with your close relatives and friends before the exuberance and “craziness” of the wedding weekend.
Certain rules of decorum should be kept in mind for all wedding related functions. Note that the terminology has more bearing on the correct etiquette for each event. For instance, engagement party verses “a celebration in honor of” or a shower verses a luncheon, dinner or tea amidst extended friends.
Here are the basic guidelines to follow for Creating The Wedding Guest List:
The Wedding Guest List offers the biggest opportunity to create hurt feelings. Everyone is excited about your wedding and wants to include those who are important to them. Culling the list has to be done with great sensitivity because you don't want to offend the feelings of anyone. I always recommend that the first order of business is to define your vision for the wedding and share it with both families in writing. If you are set on a wedding with only 80 in attendance then those parameters should be communicated. Both families will know from the beginning that there will be limitations to the guest list. This is not a guaranteed method to avoid problems, but it does set some initial boundaries. Creating these initial boundaries will quickly put in check the possibility of going off in the wrong direction.
Prepare your list with consideration. Most pre-wedding parties are intimate affairs made up of close friends and family. Attending a wedding celebration builds excited leading up to your wedding and provides the guest an unspoken guarantee that they will be honored with a wedding invitation to witness your big day. It is misleading and unacceptable to invite guests to parties and not invite them to your wedding. According to The Emily Post Institute, Anna Post writes in her book Emily Post’s Wedding Parties “Anyone invited to any wedding party (office’s showers excepted) must be invited to the wedding”.
Be sensitive to your single friends. From college age on, your single guests should be extended an “and guest” invitation. Your wedding is a party. Your wedding is a celebration. They too would like to be comfortable and enjoy the entertainment along with you. It’s no fun sitting alone and watching others dance and have a good time.
The Wedding Guest List is fluid. It will expand and contract. However, by giving your families initial parameters you will set the tone that you will be planning your wedding with guidelines. Knowing that guidelines are in place, hopefully all will be inclined to be sensitive about who they should request to be invited.
A Luxurious Wedding Couture Wedding Invitation Created By Embellishments
Wedding Seating Chart by Jan Boyd Calligraphy.
The Wedding Guest List Preparation & Guidelines
The Engagement Party Guest List
The Engagement Party is an exhilarating celebration usually hosted by the parents of the bride.
It can be hosted by another relative or friend provided the family of the bride has been given the first opportunity. With our globetrotting society, families who live out of town may also host their own festivities to honor the newly engaged couple, however, out of courtesy; first discuss the date with the family of the bride.
The guest list for your Engagement Party should be a mirror of your wedding guest list as all guests invited to your Engagement Party should be included on your wedding guest list.
Engagement parties are not necessarily a gift giving occasion. Only if all guests come bearing gifts should you open them in their presence. Unlike the Bridal Shower where the opening of gifts is the focus of the celebration, gifts brought to your Engagement Party should be acknowledged but opened at a later time. Regardless if you expressed your gratitude in person, please be certain to send a handwritten thank you note to each guest who provided you with a gift.
A bridal celebration captured by Kevin Kramer of Advantage Photography.
The Bachelor & Bachelorette Party Guest List
Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are usually the one last bash of your single life and are held from two months to one week before the wedding day. Although not obligatory, they are a time honored tradition where many of the antics of the evening make for amusing tales for years to come.
The Bachelor Party is generally organized by the Best Men and attendee’s commonly include the Groom, Groomsmen, close male friends, family members typically close in age to the groom, brothers, cousins, future brother-in-law, etc. and may be extended to include the father and future father in law of the groom. The Bachelor Party is typically a Dutch affairs with attendees responsible for their own share of the cost of activities. In addition, the best man and groomsmen should contribute for the cost of the groom.
Although it is common practice to go wild for bachelor blowouts, more men are choosing to have a much more low key affair. A few ideas the gentlemen might consider would be a gathering at a trendy restaurant, a golf outing, an extended fishing trip, or a robust weekend getaway.
The Bachelorette Party is generally organized by the Maid of Honor. The Bridesmaids should always be available for assistance, if necessary. The Bachelorette Party guest list includes the Bride and her bridesmaids, close friends and family typically close in age to the bride, sisters, cousins, future sister-in-law and may also include her mother and future mother in law.
Bachelorette Party’s are also frequently Dutch affairs with attendees responsible for their own share of the cost of activities. The maid of honor and bridesmaids contribute to the cost of the bride.
A few common practices of the ladies include an intimate dinner at the Brides' favorite restaurant, a visit to the local Vineyard for a wine tasting party and the telling of tales, a luxurious spa day or weekend, a surprise weekend getaway or an old fashion slumber party held at a fabulous Bed & Breakfast or luxury hotel.
A newer trend has many couples opting to host a joint Bachelor & Bachelorette Party for one big celebration. Any type of activity is acceptable as long as you practice self-control and do not embarrass yourself, your honoree or your guests.
The Bridesmaid Luncheon Guest List
The bridesmaid luncheon or party is a perfect opportunity to thank your bridesmaids for their participation in your wedding. It is also a wonderful time to exchange gifts of appreciation to your ladies in waiting.
Customarily, hosted by the bridesmaids with the Maid or Matron of Honor spearheading the details, the mother of the bride or the bride herself may also do the honors. This jovial party is optional and often held a day or two before or even the day of the wedding often resulting in a round of hair and make-up appointments in preparing for the main event. More traditional is the bridal luncheon or afternoon tea.
The bridal luncheon or party guest list includes the bride, mother of the bride, mother of the groom, bridal attendants, flower girl and her mother. Consider extending the invitation to any sisters of the bride or groom and their grandmothers. Your families will thank you for your loving gesture.
A Bridal Table designed by JoAnn Gregoli of Elegant Occasions
The Rehearsal Dinner Guest List
The Rehearsal Dinner is the most intimate gathering of all pre-wedding related festivities. Often set in a more relaxed atmosphere, this exhilarating dinner party allows you to mingle among your closest family and friends in a more personal way. Traditionally hosted by the family of the groom, this event may also be hosted by another family member of the couple, provided the opportunity was first given to the family of the groom.
The Rehearsal Dinner follows your ceremony rehearsal. This is a great opportunity to do something completely different and apart from your wedding theme as the decor for the Rehearsal Dinner does not necessarily have to match although many couples choose to compliment their wedding decor in an effort to build excitement and anticipation.
The guest list for the Rehearsal Dinner must always include: Parents, siblings, children of the bride or groom, attendants and officiate. In addition, step-parents, their spouses and the spouses, the fiance or live-in partner of the members of your wedding party are also included. It is polite to also extend the invitation to your young attendants and their parents.
Customarily invited: extended family members - grandparents, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, godparents and close friends.
Discretionary Invitations: If your budget permits, you may also include out-of-town guests.
A Bridal Table designed by JoAnn Gregoli of Elegant Occasions
Post Wedding Celebration Guest List
Destination weddings and more intimate affairs present unique circumstances.
A grand gathering is acceptable to honor your wedding and require an expanded guest list. Perhaps you may host a 'Celebration in Honor of' celebration. Another popular theme is a 'Belated Reception Celebration'.
These post-wedding affairs allow the inclusion of extended family and friends and provide a chance for those not able to attend your Destination or Intimate wedding to offer their best wishes to the new couple.
Destination Wedding Photographers.