Wedding Etiquette For A Missing Wedding Gift

A wedding gift is a thoughtful gesture of well wishes as you embark on your new life as a couple. Although giving a wedding gift is not mandatory, the receipt of the gift is always acknowledged by sending a personal hand written thank you note referencing how much you appreciate the gift.

But what wedding etiquette protocol must be followed if you do not receive a gift from someone who would normally give a gift?

Many are left wondering what could have possibly happened. Did the guest order a gift that the store did not ship? Did they bring a gift that was misplaced or stolen? Did they bring a monetary gift in an envelope that disappeared? The wondering can be tormenting for both parties, especially when the guest does not receive a thank you note. They will also be in a quandary as to how to approach the subject if they have not received a thank you note.

It is tempting, but never in good taste to mention the missing gift to the guest.

The most tactful solution is to send a thank you note that expresses how happy you were to see them and thank them for attending your wedding. With no mention of the specific gift, the guest may be curious to find out if you received their gift. They may even ask a friend to inquire on their behalf. This subtle attempt to clarify the situation may prove to be quite helpful in resolving the lingering question - Did they..or didn't they?

Wedding Gift Preference & Protocol

Some couples would like to state their wedding gift preference on their wedding invitation. Usually they are attempting to assure the guest that their attendance is 'The Gift'. However, a wedding is a time honored tradition steeped in protocol. Since ancient times, Wedding Gifts have been part of the tradition and the protocol. They are a way for your guests to present something to you that they feel will add to the lifestyle you are building together.

Offering a disclaimer on the wedding invitation "Wedding gifts are strictly optional - your presence at our celebration is what we really want." will throw your wedding guests into a state of confusion. They will wonder 'should we or shouldn't we'? Not wanting to offend you, they will agonize over their decision. And no matter what their decision, they will always question whether they made the right choice.

Luxurious Wedding Recommends... that you spread the word verbally about your wedding gift sentiments. Create a Wedding Website that has a section dedicated to Wedding Gifts where you can express how excited you are and how much it means to you to share this moment with those close to you. If you are sincere about not receiving gifts, you could suggest some funny, inexpensive gifts on this page that would be taken in a light hearted manner.

Many of your guest will sincerely want to do something special for you. It is always in good taste to be respectful of their wishes. Never interpret a wedding invitation as a shout out for gifts. A wedding invitation is an expression of your desire to include the invited guest in a ceremony of unity and celebration. Receive your wedding gifts with grace and appreciation and immediately dash off a thoughtful thank you note.

Wedding Presentation by Luxurious Wedding Photography Team
Luxurious Wedding Couture Invitation by Carciofi Design.

Wedding Gifts The History Of Gift Giving

The history of gift giving dates back to the early Roman festivals held each January. It was customary for the Emperor's administration to present him with gifts of evergreen branches. Eventually the gifts evolved into honey and cakes representing sweetness and prosperity for the coming year.

The beginning of the wedding gift tradition is said to have developed from the dowry given by the bride or her parents as part of the marriage arrangement. Depending on the country, the dowry may have been given by the bride's parents to the bride or the groom or given by the groom's family to the bride's family as a form of payment for their daughter.

Often marriages were arranged by families in order to merge family fortunes. The families of the wealthy groom offered money, land or an ownership in the family business as "payment" for the daughter's hand in marriage. The brides family provided the groom with a large bridal dowry. The bridal dowry contained the necessary items for the bride to start a household. The dowry always included linens, towels, silver, china, glassware, silverware and other household needs. As years passed, the bridal dowry turned into the romantic tradition of The Hope Chest.

Roman Wedding image via crystalink.com

Wedding Gifts The Hope Chest A Traditon & An Heirloom

The Hope Chest became a wedding tradition that evolved out of necessity. In a previous era, many less fortunate families could not afford a dowry. As a means to attract a potential suitor, mothers began to teach their young daughters the essentials of homemaking. These qualities were seen as a value to young men and their families.

Dreaming of their wedding day, the young women began to knit, sew and embroider their own linen, towels and fabrics. In "hope" for a marriage proposal they began collecting their trousseau, their hand-made items and all the necessities that would be needed to set up their bridal residence. Soon, fathers began to build an elaborately decorate chest to store these lovely items. The "Hope Chest" soon became popular.

The Hope Chest began as a wooded box or trunk that was lined with cedar in order to preserve the gentle fabric contents. As it evolved, it became more elaborate. Expensive woods were used with decorative carved designs.

While father's proudly built the chest as a gift to their daughters, their mother had the honor of presenting it to the young bride and assisting her in filling it. It soon became a beautiful and expected wedding tradition. The Hope Chest was soon passed down from mother to daughter as a treasured family heirloom.

The tradition quickly caught on continued throughout Europe and became popular in the United States until approximately the early 20th century. Popularity increased again following World War I when the famed Lane Furniture Company began a romantic marketing plan to promote their new Lane Hope Chest.

Even today, those brides who have a traditional design style for their new home may enjoy the added decorative and storage features a Hope Chest brings to any room.

Hope Chest by Jessica McClintock.

Wedding Gifts From Invited Guests: Are You Required To Give A Wedding Gift To The Bride & Groom ?

If you are invited to a wedding, the bride and groom consider you to hold a valuable place in their life and want to honor you by including you in this important and personal event. You should consider the wedding invitation to be an outward show of respect and a tribute to you.

Depending on the closeness of your relationship with them, you should feel inclined to send a gift to the couple whether or not you are in attendance the day of the nuptials. A wedding gift is more than a symbolic way of saying “Congratulations.” It should be thoughtful, personal and a way for the couple to be reminded of the bond between you and them.

The 5th Edition of Emily Post Wedding Etiquette points out that; “Following long-established traditions, everyone who receives a wedding invitation should send a gift, whether they attend the wedding or not." Emily Post also addresses the exceptions to this rule: "...if you send invitations to casual acquaintances, business associates you don’t know well or people you haven’t seen in years and they do not attend the festivities, then gifts are not expected.”

Wedding Gifts How To Give A Wedding Gift The Bride & Groom Needs & Will Appreciate

In 1924, the illustrious department store, Marshall Fields in Chicago, created the first Bridal Registry. In that era, a bride transitioned from the home of her mother and father to setting up a life with a new husband. He too would be leaving the nest of his mother and father without the basic essentials to include in a household. Marshall Fields saw this need and created an innovative concept designed to allow brides to make special requests of items they would need in order to set up a proper home following their nuptials.

As society has evolved, the average age of newly married couples has risen and most have their own homes or cohabitate together. Often couples already come to a marriage with fully stocked kitchens, linen closets and homes. They now face the challenge of combining their two fully stocked homes making the traditional Bridal Registry less significant.

What the modern bride and groom need today is cash. A cash gift is no longer considered impersonal. A cash gift is so personal that it often allows the couple to purchase the final piece of the puzzle that was missing when they began to meld their lives. When considering purchasing a gift, all guests should consider that the bride and groom are already dealing with the emotional disposition of duplicate household items they may have become attached to.

A monitory wedding gift allows the couple the freedom of choice on how and where they will invest your generous gift. Often times couples are looking to upgrade kitchen appliances, purchase lawn and household equipment, buy furniture, or save for a new home. They have also become more charity minded and may request donations to be made to a charity in lieu of a gift.

Gift Card receptacle or Money Box

Wedding Gifts When, Where & How To Present Your Wedding Gift To The Bride & Groom

It is considered appropriate for your gift to be delivered to the couple prior to the wedding. Depending on the circumstances, delivery should be to the home of the bride or her parents. Customarily you should give what you can afford, although your generosity should take into consideration the style or formality of the reception and if the gift is from you and your children or a date.

When presenting a monetary gift before the wedding, the check should be made out to the bride in her maiden name. On the wedding day or after, it should be made out in the name of the groom or to Mr. & Mrs.

Look for the Gift Table at the wedding reception where you will place your thoughtful and beautifully wrapped gift. The Gift Table always includes a decorated Gift Card receptacle or Money Box for you to insert a monitory gift inside a card expressing your best wishes and sentiments.

If your invitation includes; “And Guest”, it is the responsibility of the addressee to secure the gift for the couple. When selecting your gift, whether that be from the registry or monetary, please consider that it was a thoughtful gesture to have been extended an “And Guest” invitation. You may want to consider providing the couple with a gift that represents both you and your guest. Married couples, those who live together or are engaged may also provide one gift.

Although etiquette allows guests up to one year following the wedding to send a wedding gift, we know that receiving a wedding gift in the midst of all the excitement and celebration will make your gift extremely meaningful and memorable.

Beautiful Gift Wrapping from PRESENTATIONS by Carolyne Roehm

Wedding Gift Exchange Etiquette For The Bride & Groom

The exchange of gifts between the bride and the groom on the wedding day is a romantic gesture and optional traditional with no set rules of etiquette or protocol. Although optional, it is a lovely sentiment on a day filled with chaotic frenzy to exchange gifts to remind you of personal moments that have brought you together on this day.

A love letter that can be tucked into a wallet to draw out during rocky times down the road. A photo that captured the essence of your mutual bond. Some silly token that you had engraved with the wedding date. There is no price tag high enough to put on these sentimental reminders that apply to your ever blooming love.

The exchange of jewelry to be worn on this day and passed down to your children some day is another way to create a sentimental tie with your future. Diamond earrings, a bracelet or necklace for the bride and monogrammed cuff links or a watch for the groom are always a good choice. The most important criteria is to put love into the gift. A gift from your heart will always be perfect, cherished and a constant reminder of the good qualities that you admire in each other.

A Love Letter by Luxurious Wedding .com
Couture Bridal Earrings by Tejani .